Dialysis Diaries: Death

A lady died last week here at the dialysis clinic.

I had about an hour left to go when I saw this lady walk in for her treatment. She was about 55-60 years old and had only been in a couple of times so far. About 15 minutes later I hear the nurses saying something about calling 911 and within a few minutes the fire department guys had shown up and within 10 minutes the EMT's had arrived. I couldn't see what was happening because the lady was seated in a chair behind me. About 30 minutes later they were wheeling her out in front of me, doing CPR. But I had a feeling she was already gone. That was verified at my next treatment. The lady had passed away immediately of a heart attack(she had serious heart issues) and was gone before they took her out of the clinic.

It was a sobering moment for me. It shook me up a little. I have only seen dead people at funerals. I have never seen anyone who has recently passed away. And so my mind wandered...

I thought about the overlap of the spiritual and the physical. It was weird to think that just 50 feet from me the spirit of this woman left her body and I wondered where it went. And then I envisioned all of the rest of us just sitting here with our spirits hovering inside our pitiful bodies, just waiting for I AM to say "It's time."

I thought it was my time two months ago. It was a sobering time as well. Knocking on death's door wasn't my plan, and apparently wasn't God's plan either. But I'll be at that doorstep again sometime. I would love to say that I was knocking on that door with a smile on my face knowing I was being escorted into eternity with Jesus. But I wasn't smiling. It was scary, and I didn't want to die. I thought of all of the things I wanted to do yet, like spend time with my family and friends as well as see all of Spain become true followers of Jesus.

Many people casually throw out the phrase "well, any of us could die at any time." And while that is definitely true, there are some of us that hang around this reality with visual reminders all the time. You know who you are. There is the cancer surviver. You've been through chemotherapy, lost your hair, been given the shocking percentage of your chances to survive. There's the war vet. You live with the reoccurring nightmare of when your buddy fell at your side and you know it could have just as easily been you. How about the parent who has lost a young child? You can still smell her and you think you hear her crying. She looked just like her older sibling and it's difficult to live with. And what about that new widow. That word shouldn't even apply to someone of your age. Every day you think about the death of your husband and wonder if it was real. After all, you never asked for a "new normal."

It's enough to take your breath away or drive you crazy.

I'm just thankful that Jesus makes it bearable.